Wisdom to know the difference

Sorry for the long wait! It has taken me a while to get a blog together. I have found that the longer I am here, the harder it is to put all my experiences into words. Every time I sit down to write I get frustrated because I feel like I’m not explaining my experience the way it deserves to be explained, if that makes sense. I have found that it’s easier for me to just write about how I’m feeling, so that’s what I’ll do.

It’s the middle of my sixth week in Uganda and this experience is more than I could have ever dreamed for. I feel that I am being emotionally and spiritually filled everyday. Although accompanied with frustration and hardships, I genuinely love life here. I love cradling babies in my arms, wiping tears from their eyes, and snot from their faces. I love playing soccer for hours and hours....and hours....with little boys who can't get enough of it. I love pouring water down thirsty little throats and giving food to hungry street children. I love being taught by those I teach. I love forming relationships with SO many good-hearted locals. I love hearing the words "I love you" come from a mouth with no front teeth. I love sponge-bathing sixty orphans. I love the gorgeous mountains and starry nights. I love going on afternoon runs and taking in all the breathtaking views that this beautiful land provides. I love ending each day filthy and too tired to move. I love being challenged endlessly. I could go on forever! I love love love. I even LOVE teaching, not something I expected. My students are amazing and so bright. They enjoy all the crafts and lessons. The classroom walls, which were bare when I arrived, are now covered with colorful crafts and pictures!

Tonny, a student in my class who lives in a nearby village was absent for two days in a row last week. He had never been absent before and it started to worry me, so I asked the headmaster if he knew if Tonny was sick. He told me he had to send Tonny home and he wasn’t allowed to come back because he hadn’t paid his school fees. My heart sunk. He continued to tell me that Tonny’s father was deceased and his mother, who is a farmer, is raising her kids on her own. He said the family is very poor and always struggles to pay his school fees. The school fee per term (three terms in a year) is 60,000 shillings, which is equivalent to about $24USD. I knew I had to get Tonny back to school. I told the headmaster and he contacted the mother and told her that Tonny’s fees had been taken care of and he could come back to school. She started crying and asked if I would go to their home so she could thank me. The next day after school, me, Tonny, and the headmaster walked five miles into the village until we came upon a little house made of mud, clay, and straw. His mother was waiting outside and was so gracious and thankful that I had helped her family out. She was so honored that I was at her house. I soon found out that Tonny also has two older brothers (one is ten and one is twelve) that attend a free public school. The boys had to walk ten miles to school each morning and the school doesn’t provide lunch so they went from 6am to 4pm everyday with no food. I looked at the boys and my heart broke for them. I asked the headmaster if there was room for them to come to our school also. He said yes and translated the news to Tonny’s mother (in the villages they rarely speak English), and she literally fell on the ground crying. She said all her prayers had been answered and she couldn’t believe all her kids would be able to go to school and she wouldn’t have to worry about it. She said that God had entered her home when I walked through the door and that I was part of her family now. Needless to say, it was the most rewarding experience I have had. Now all three brothers attend the same school, closer to home, and have lunch everyday. I know it’s not much, but it completely changed this mother’s life.

These past six weeks have definitely been the most meaningful time of my life. I cry when I even think about leaving. I’m tearing up now just because I’m writing about it. It’s true that home is where the heart is. My heart is in Uganda, and it will be left here when I leave. Uganda is home. I have sixty orphaned children who each hold a place in my heart, and countless more from the surrounding villages. I feel so lucky just to know them. Although I can’t do everything for these children, the most important thing is just showing them that they’re worthy of my love and most importantly, God’s love. I can affect them just by showing them that although their parents are dead or not around, that they are still worthy of love that never ceases. I want to show them the love that doesn’t lessen if they fail or increase if they succeed, the love that always stays the same. The love that never ceases.

I think when I look back on my life, I’ll find that the moments I’ve really lived aren’t when I’ve done crazy or adventurous things. I think the moments in which I’m living are when I give a kid a pair of shoes who’s feet are covered with blisters, or when I just spend time jumping rope or blowing bubbles with the children, or when I tuck an orphan into bed at night and sing him lullabies because his parents are unable to do so because they’ve died from HIV/Aids. These are the moments which I am living. These are the moments that I’m doing what I was created to do. By completely losing myself in all that I do and experience here, I have actually found myself more than I ever have. 

I have learned that many peoples view on my time here in Uganda is that it’s dangerous. I’ve had people ask if I’m afraid of living in a country like Uganda. The truth is, I am much more afraid of remaining comfortable in the little bubble I was living in back home. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I do miss America and want to live a “normal” life again. But I’ve realized I want other things more. I want to make a change. Sometimes this leads to frustration. I find sometimes that I think I have the courage to change all things. It's a blurry line between what you can change and what you can't, and it can be a very frustrating feeling trying to figure it out. "God grant me the serinity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." The wisdom to know the difference. Its an easier concept to say than to actually grasp and I am quickly finding that out. Some days I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to fix everything. I want to send every child in Uganda to school. I want to sponsor every child to ensure that they have clothes and food. I want to know that these children will have more than their parents did. But what I want to do and what I can do are very different. I know I am only one person, but at the same time, I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. I can make a difference, even in a small way. And if everyone does something, imagine what could be done. I pray you read this and your heart tells you to do something. You might not be able to change the world, however, you can change the world for one person.

  

I am overwhelmed by the incredible number of children who need help, and it makes me angry when I think of the unfairness of the situation. Why did these kids parents have to die or not have enough money to support them? Why do I have everything I could ever need in life, and more? Why me? Why them? These questions will go unanswered and they continue to tug at my heart everyday. I know it's not right for me to feel guilty for what I have, but how could I not? I see kids pick up an old banana peel off the floor and eat it like a kid in America would eat dessert. I see street kids who have no shoes and who's feet have been battered to the point where they have no toenails. I see ten year olds walk miles and miles for a jug of water. I see old women with bad backs walking miles and carrying pounds on their heads. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I can feel entirely too blessed. Blessed to have a family and parents who would do absolutely anything for me, and to have so many opportunities in life.

I love witnessing God’s plan unfold for my life. It’s a mystery that’s being solved more and more everyday with each new experience. His plan is unfolding in heartbreaking ways, and in courageous ways every single day.I sometimes wonder why out of all places, I felt the need to come to Uganda, now I know. I was meant to come here because God knew I would fall in love with it. He knew it was the place for me. He knew I would come and discover the need here and do what I can to fix it, and hopefully inspire others to do the same. It’s crazy to think that God knows all of this before it even happens and that He truly does have a plan for each of us. Sure, He might not have a plan for you to travel to a foreign land, it might be in your backyard. Human suffering and need are everywhere. I believe each of us was created to change the world for someone, somewhere. I challenge you to go find your Uganda, I promise you will not be disappointed.

I promise to not take so long to update next time! Hope everyone has a great week!!

Carson

tonny's mom, tonny, and his 2 brothers

some of my students with their butterflies!

Jordan with a card he made my moms kindergarten class

one afternoon we took some girls from the orphanage into town for lunch and shopping, they had so much fun!

pygmy village

First week in Uganda

It has now been a week since I arrived in Uganda. I have had the most amazing, heart wrenching, seven days. I never knew my heart could be stolen and broken at the same time. It is a powerful, sometimes overwhelming feeling.

After arriving on Sunday, I spent the night in a hotel in Kampala (the capitol of Uganda). When I got to the hotel I met the other volunteers. It was a first time experience for me to be the only American in a group of people. The volunteers are from Australia, Norway, England, Canada, and Japan. I have met the most amazing people and have thoroughly enjoyed living under the same roof with so many different kinds of personalities. I already feel that I have learned so much from each one of them. On the five hour bus ride from Kampala to Fort Portal (where the volunteer house is) I fell in love with this land. Every single aspect of it. The mountains, mango trees, red clay, all the people going through their daily routines, the school children walking down the road in their uniforms. Everything. I wonder why I waited twenty years to come here!

On Tuesday I walked down to the school and met all the children and the next day I started teaching! The school consists of three little wooden buildings with three classrooms in each building. The floors are dirt, the walls are pieces of wood with cracks between each one, there’s no playground or gym….but the kids are SO eager to learn and appreciate every lesson. My classroom is the P1 level which is equivalent to about first grade in America. I have the privilege of getting to teach, play with, and love on fourteen of the most precious children I've ever met. About half of my students live across the street at the orphanage, the other half are from the village. After we have our English lesson each day we have snack time. The workers from the orphanage bring over a big pot of porridge (rice powder and hot water) and give each student a cup. Snack time is hard for me because the kids who come from the village literally lick their cup (and other students cups) until there is not one drop left. I know the kids who live at the orphanage are provided three meals a day, but I'm afraid most kids from the village don't eat much besides their porridge and lunch during school. The amazing things is if a child happens to have their own snack that day (usually a piece of bread) they will break off a piece for every student. They share everything. After snack is break time which consists of playing tag or hacky sack with a balled up trash bag with rubber bands around it. My heart hurts every time I notice anything like the trash bag hacky sack ball, but I have to act like things like that are normal because the kids here don't know any different. I think about the variety of toys I had to play with at their age and it makes me nauseous.

You are free to come and go from the orphanage as you please so I get to spend a lot of time with my students and the other orphans there. We play lots of soccer there in the afternoon, they absolutely LOVE it!  I also go the orphanage in the evening for prayer time. Prayer time lasts for about an hour and consists of singing, dancing, and prayer. Imagine witnessing sixty orphans thanking and praising God....I know I'm a lucky girl. When the children pray they don't just recite the same prayer all together, they kneel on the ground, bow their heads, close their eyes and each talk to God like they're talking to one of their friends. They all say their own prayer at the same time. The room is so full of love, it's impossible for it not to touch your heart. It is honestly one of the most moving things I've witnessed. After experiencing this and seeing how all the orphans are like a big family, it got me to thinking. Coming from a first world country to a third world country, you usually feel that if you could bring the kids home with you that they'd have a much better life. Until I came to Uganda I thought that too, but spending time at the school and orphanage has altered my viewpoint. These kids love each other, share with each other, and truly care about each other. They are so full of love, life, and Jesus. They talk to Him every day, multiple times a day. They are grateful for what He has given them. Kids who are raised in orphanages like this are the ones who are actually rich. The people in first world countries who would rather spend all their time and money on things just to benefit themselves are the ones who are living in poverty. Sure, in America we could give these kids a college education and lots of material things, but isn't faith, hope, and love worth SO much more? That's just a thought that's been heavy on my mind lately.

Africa is no longer just a picture in a magazine to me. Africa is Kaijuka, Jordan, OPuuli, Aaron...and so many more. Africa has faces now, and I will never be able to forget them. Not that I'd ever want to anyways.

xoxo

Carson

My home for the next three months!

My classroom

Precious little faces

Our first craft! They loved being able to use markers!

Some of the volunteers and myself during our hike to the crater lakes

Crater lake....a picture doesn't do it justice

Next stop...AFRICA!

Hey everyone! I'm trying to kill time during my layover in London so I figured it would be a good time to update you all. I flew straight from Raleigh/Durham to London, my next flight which is straight from here to Uganda boards at 9pm (4pm for you guys). It is finally starting to hit me that I'm going to Africa but I honestly don't think it will sink in until I get off the plane and actually see Uganda with my own eyes. I have never been this excited, nervous, anxious, happy, scared, etc. about anything in my whole life! So many thoughts. So much change. It's such a myriad of emotions, but overall I am just grateful. Grateful to have this opportunity. Grateful to be supported when I do have this opportunity. And grateful for all the little Ugandan faces I have yet to meet. It's crazy to think that next time I'm in the London airport it will be the end of November and I will possess so many memories and experiences in my heart to carry home with me. The best way to spread love is to first show love. By taking a trip like this, it's impossible for your experiences and love to not overflow even when you return home. I hope when I get back to the States, the new love in my heart will cause a ripple effect and help to open others eyes about not only the change they could make in Africa, but anywhere in the world. I have to admit, it was difficult to say my goodbyes in Raleigh yesterday but I know there are so many hello's to come when I get to Uganda that will bring so much joy to my life. I never thought I would be ready to leave home, the people there, the ones I love the most. But I feel like God has done some incredible things in my heart to prepare me for this. As soon as I boarded the flight to London I just had this ease, I know everything is going to be alright, it's out of my hands. Like my dad e-mailed me just a few hours ago "The Lord will take care of you for me" and he's so right. I know I will be fine. I think I have finally reached the point where I have given up on my life as I knew it. I know things are going to change, and I'm so ready to embrace every aspect of it. I know this is exactly why I was created in the first place. I can't wait to see the world from the eyes who have absolutely nothing, yet have a smile on their face from ear to ear.

Well I should probably get off my laptop and go find my gate to board my LAST FLIGHT!! I just wanted to give you all an update on where I'm at, physically and emotionally! Crazy to think next time I blog I will actually be in Africa! I hope you all have a great week!!

xoxo, Carson

Welcome aboard!

Hey guys! I decided it would be a good idea to start a blog so I can keep you all updated on my trip. I’ve never blogged before so here goes nothing…

I’ll start by saying that with the help of funding from my wonderful family, friends, and an amazing offering from my church, today I paid the final payment to IVHQ to ensure my spot in the teaching program for three months in Uganda! How exciting!! Now, all I have to do is wait……I JUST WANNA GO NOW. The good news is I don’t have too much longer left! 54 days from now, I will be in the airport probably crying my eyes out as I say goodbye to my mom and dad (keep in mind I’m their youngest of six children) and the rest of my family and friends. Then I’ll hop on a plane and this girl will be on her way to Africa! What a crazy thought. Sometimes I still catch myself wondering if I’m really about to do this. It’s always been a farfetched dream that I couldn’t really grasp. I definitely think dreams come a few sizes too big so we can have time to grow into them. I finally think I’m ready and equipped with the knowledge, faith, and strength to face the daily trials in Uganda, and to truly appreciate the rewarding feeling of helping to mold innocent children’s lives. Of course I have fears, but my yearning to make my mark in the world far outweighs any fear imaginable. I absolutely cannot wait to be in the presence of amazing little faces every single day.

As some of you may know, I recently got back from a mission trip to Haiti. This trip eliminated any doubts I could’ve ever had about making the choice to spend three months in Africa. The feeling of pure happiness and joy that I felt while in Haiti is like an addiction that I can’t get enough of. It was like I found my meaning in life, and I knew I was supposed to be there. I’m counting the days until I get to Uganda and the same feeling consumes me. I cannot wait to get my feet in that red clay and my arms around those sweet children. As much as I’m ready to go, I know some days I will miss the “normality” of America, but I’m so ready to get away from all the distractions here and see the world from a new perspective. I wonder who I will be when I get home; I wonder what my eyes will have seen and what my heart will have felt.

It’s bizarre thinking about how things really do happen for a reason, and how God uses trials and tribulations to create something remarkable. I was dealt a pretty tough hand this past year, but that only provided me with the strength and ability to make this life-changing decision. I’ve learned that sometimes the most dreadful of things we experience are still blessings in disguise. I never thought taking a semester off from college would be in my plans, but then again that was MY plan, and God’s plan is completely different. I’m just grateful He lets me be a part of His plans. I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me and how He is going to use me in Uganda, but I must admit this is a bittersweet feeling. All my best friends will be starting their junior year of college, and it makes me think how different I had my life planned out just last year. I would have never believed you if you told me I would no longer be attending ECU, or that I would have no desire to major in apparel merchandising anymore. It’s so crazy! God has something even bigger and better in store for me, I know it. So that's why I am here, typing a blog on my MacBook about traveling to Uganda. Not because everyone thinks it's the best route to take, because believe me, I've heard my fair share of opinions along the way, and not because it's what's expected of me, and definitely not because it's going to be easy.

             Before I call it a night I would like to personally thank anyone who is taking the time to follow along with this journey, and to everyone who helped make this possible. You will never know how precious each of you are to me. And to my sweet parents, I don’t think you guys will ever truly know how much I appreciate your support and for always believing in my dreams. I know most mom and dads would have a hard time when their daughter drops the “I’d like to take a break from school and move to Africa” bomb. You two handled it with grace and have never made me feel like I can’t accomplish anything I set my mind to. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Below are some of my favorite pictures from my trip to Haiti so you can all see what I've been up to this summer! LOVE to you all!